


Down to Earth

by Potentialplateau



Category: Touhou Project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potentialplateau/pseuds/Potentialplateau
Summary: When Reimu gets whisked away by a Hidden god, Gensokyo is suddenly left without anyone to look after the Hakurei Shrine. Perhaps it's time for two unlikely humans to pick up the slack.





	Down to Earth

The Outside World was a dreary place in Autumn. The trees were bare, everything was cold and a gray filter seemed to be over everything.  
So nobody batted really an eye at the sight of two humans, moping quietly at a Lamprey stand.

"Hey. Satono?"

"Hmmm...?"

"Where’d we go wrong?"

“Mai. That’s the fifth time you asked me today, _I don’t know”._ Okay?

"I just don't get it!" Mai continued "I mean we was always good servants master Okina weren't we?" 

Satono just grunted, taking another hearty swig of her sake.

It had been a week since Mai and Satono had been unceremoniously fired from lady Okina’s service. Replaced by the Shrine Maiden of all people! All those years of faithful service, and they just got replaced with a newer model? Satono still couldn’t believe it.

“Y’know what the worst part about all this is?” Satono said. “The fact that she tried to spin it as ‘a release from service’. Like we somehow wanted to spend the rest of our lives in some boring place with confusing rules!”

“And dumb people.”

“And we're just regular schmuck sucks now!”

“You can’t even dance anymore without people looking at you oddly!”

“We don’t even know anyone here! My last relative must’ve died centuries ago!”

“And people start snickering when you talk about backdoors.”

“Phah! Philistines!”

Their moaning was rudely interrupted by the sound of a lamprey-stand owner cleaning her throat.

"If you don’t mind ladies" she said "It's getting kinda late right now. And the streets haven’t been very safe at night. Seems like ever since the Hakurei Shrine Maiden disappeared the night has become much less safe. And dead customers are bad for business.”

“Pfft! Shrine maiden! Lemme tell you, any idiot could’ve done her job.” Satono said.

“We could’ve beaten her easily. Even without her powers. She just snuck up on us is all!”

Suddenly, Satono rose from her seat.

“Mai, You’re a genius!” she yelled.

“I…I am? Right, of course I am.  
…How am I a genius though?”

“Don’t you see? With the Shrine Maiden out we can become the new Shrine Maiden!”

“But aren’t Youkai really dangerous? We don’t have our powers anymore, remember? We only got our powers from Lady Okina.”

“Power isn’t everything Mai dear.” Satono said, raising a finger The task of Shrine maiden is a delicate one indeed. You need knowledge of Youkai. Grit. Moxie. And a good head on your shoulders. We’ve got all that in spades! Plus what we lack in sheer power we’ll make up for in teamwork.”

Mai looked at her companion with skepticism. “Don’t you need, like, training and stuff for that?”

 “Mai. Mai. Trust me. We’ll figure it out as we go along.

She hooked her arm around Mai’s shoulder.

“Just imagine.” She continued, waving her remaining arm in the sky wildly “Nishiida & Tereida’s Shrine Service Emporium! The All-Too-Dangerous Shrine Maidens! We’ll show that damned Hakurei job-stealer what a real Shrine Maiden looks like!”  
“So…you in?”

Mai seemed to ponder her companion’s words for a moment. Then said “well it’s not like I’ve got anything better to do. Let’s Maid some Shrines!”

***

“OwowowowowowowOW!”

“Stay still Satono!”

 “Are arms supposed to bend that wa-AAAAAAAGH! YOUKAIDAMNIT that hurt!”

“Shh. Shhhh. don’t be a baby now.”

It had been a week since the pair had made the long and arduous trip to the Hakurei Shrine. And things had not gone very well so far. To be sure, they had learned a lot. For instance, they’d learned that there was actually more to being a Shrine Maiden than threatening anything that looked like a Youkai with a crossbow, that inter-Youkai relations were a delicate thing, that flying enemies was a pain when you couldn’t fly yourself, that keeping a business was hard that and (as of around fifteen minutes ago) that a pissed-off Wolf Tengu could not, in fact, be tricked by throwing a stick really hard and running the other way.

Sure. They were learning all this. And Satono did think they were slowly getting the hang of it. But it still wasn’t enough. They were quickly running out of money and supplies, Aunn had doggedly (she was proud of that one) refused to leave the compound she had been tasked with guarding, and their bumbling attempts at Youkai-hunting were yet to produce a single tangible success.

At this rate they’d be dead or destitute by the end of the month!

Satono had tried to keep up a brave face, of course. But Mai had worked with her companion for long enough to see that she was starting to crack under the pressure. She could see the bags under Satono’s eyes now. And little worried looks when she thought Mai wasn’t watching.

Should she just return to the Human Village in shame? Get a job as servants at some rich family’s place? Regular humans, who’d live in the shadow of others and die unremembered. Just another face in the crowd. What would’ve happened long ago if they’d never met lady Okina.  
Mai could just imagine the haughty look on lady Hakurei’s face as she’d smugly tell lady Okina with her honeyed voice “See? Those dumb humans really were useless all along. Aren’t you just _glad_ to have me instead of them?”

No! Mai shook herself from her reverie. She wouldn’t let that happen, damnit! She wouldn’t give that damned Hakurei the satisfaction! Mai would stick by her friend, or die trying!

“Good evening.”

The pair startled and looked around, only to see a blonde woman in front of them, seemingly appearing out of a hole in reality itself. Eyes seeming to stare at her unblinkingly from beyond the void.

“H-halt! Stop!” Mai Stuttered, as she put herself in front of a wincing Satono. “I-I won’t hesitate to kill you with this…This table-leg! And um…um…  
Don’t we know you from somewhere?”

The lady spoke  
“Please. Don’t be afraid. I’m simply here to talk.”

Mai didn’t react.

“Please put down your weapons. I’m not here to hurt you.”

Mai was still reluctant to put down her weapon.

*sigh* “If I wanted you dead you would’ve been dead already. Better?”

“…good point.” Mai reluctantly lowered her weapon.

“So what do you want?” She asked, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

The Hole-lady sat down on her mass of eyes.

 “Oh but where are my manners” the Hole-lady said. “Let me introduce myself first. My name is Yakumo Yukari!”

“Oh! I know you. You were the one who sometimes visited lady Okina weren’t you?”

“Indeed. And you must be Tereida Mai and Nishiida Satono. Pleased to make your acquaintance again.” She said as curtseyed.  
“Now. On to business! You see. I have been watching you for a while.”

“Um…Thank you?”

“Oh don’t worry. It’s simply my job. You see, you might call me the janitor of Gensokyo. I am the one who makes sure everything here stays neat and tidy. _Especially_ when it involves the Hakurei Shrine barrier you’re on right now.    
When news reached me that Reimu had been taken in by Okina, I was rather worried. Reimu had never bothered to search for a successor, you see. And the position of Hakurei Shrine Maiden is vital for Gensokyo’s success. I thought that I was going to have to search for ages just to find and train a new successor for her. But then you so kindly decided to walk in here and take over. You’ve no idea how many favours I would’ve had to call in otherwise.”

“I guess we appreciate it?” Satono said. “But we’ve tried it for a while and well… I’m not quite sure if we’re cut out for this?”

“Oh nonsense!” Yukari said. “Sure you two might be a little…rough around the edges right now. But you clearly have the drive, and the willingness to learn. In all my years watching the Hakurei Shrine maiden, I never thought I’d see anyone brave or stupid enough to simply waltz in and take the responsibility without prompting. Much less a pair of regular old humans. Plus, Just imagine how fun it’d be to rub it into Okina’s face! Ahh. I can just imagine it now.”

“…Really?” Satono asked “We’re…we’re official Shrine Maidens? Mai! You know what that means? Miss Yukari herself said we were the Shrine Maidens!”

“Heck yeah! We’re the best!” Satono shouted.

The duo tried to embrace.

“-Not so fast” Yukari interrupted. “I said you had the _willingness to learn_ to become Shrine Maidens. And I’m afraid you two still have much to learn.”

She reached into the void, and threw a pile of books on the floor with a heavy THUD.

“…W-what are those?” Satono asked.

“Those are books on various Shinto rituals and Youkai-banishing methods. You are of course going to be memorizing every last one of these books forward and back. How about…before the year is out.?”

“All that? Are you kidding?”

“Oh. Of course I am.” Yukari said, giggling.

The pair sighed in relief.

“Of course that’s not all that there is.  That’s just the first batch. Oh and by the way. I’ve already taken the liberty of sending Kasen to teach you about the subtler parts of maintaining a shrine. And of course Marisa will be coming along to give you your first lesson in Danmaku combat that doesn’t rely on lady Okina’s help. Do try not to threaten them with a crossbow this time.”

“I…I…”

“Wha…wha…”

“Well. It looks like it’s time for me to be off.” Yukari purred. “I’ll be sending some supplies your way shortly. And please. Don’t disappoint. Toodles!”

And with that, she vanished into the void.

The pair sat in silence for a moment.

“I still can’t believe it.” Satono said.

“Well I…guess we’d best start working right away huh?” Mai asked.

“Not right away. Studying can wait until tomorrow. I’m won’t be doing much studying today with my arm.”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“We still have some sake left over, rigt? I guess this calls for a celebration!”

“To us!”

“To The All-Too-Dangerous Shrine Maidens!”

And with that, they left to get drunk with a spring in their step.


End file.
